


If at First You Don't Succeed

by VampireNaomi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 08:47:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireNaomi/pseuds/VampireNaomi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prussia and Romano's first time in bed doesn't go exactly according to plan. Takes place in the same universe as my story Seeing Is Believing, but it isn't necessary to read that first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If at First You Don't Succeed

Romano did his best to exterminate the swarm of butterflies that was frolicking inside his stomach as he walked out of the luggage claim area at the Berlin Tegel Airport. Ever since that morning when he had got on the plane, he had been mentally repeating the mantra that he had no reason to feel that way and that he was being stupid, but so far it hadn't done anything to help. The nervous and excited flutter inside him simply refused to fade.

He and Prussia had been together for almost three weeks. During this time, they had yelled at each other over the stupidest things, made up and eaten bucketloads of ice cream, fought over the blanket in Prussia's room until Germany bought him a second one and been out shopping for T-shirts with couple slogans on them because Prussia thought they were cute.

They had also been exploring each other's bodies. Romano couldn't help but grit his teeth as he thought back to the hands that had roamed all over him and the mouth that had – goddammit, no! He shouldn't recall those memories when he was in a public place. He quickly turned his thoughts to the coffee, sausages and potatoes that he would no doubt have to force down his throat during his stay, and he immediately felt more at ease.

Romano glanced at the clock on the wall. Still ten minutes until Prussia was supposed to come and pick him up. That didn't mean he'd be there on time, of course. Prussia could be punctual like a soldier when he felt like it, but he had the habit of getting carried away and forgetting everything around him. Romano was by no means particularly punctual himself, but he hated it when Prussia made him wait.

He decided to buy a snack and found an empty seat at a small café near the spot where they had agreed to meet. As he munched on it and watched the people around him hurry their way, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to the pack of condoms that was safe in the most hidden pocket of his luggage.

Despite their mutual eagerness to see what they could do to each other, they hadn't yet gone all the way to the end. Romano would have been ready and willing after the first week, but Prussia had never once even suggested it. It had taken some irritated sulking from Romano before they had ended up talking about it, and then it had turned out that Prussia had thought he was being a gentleman.

Romano couldn't say he understood the idiot's logic. They had already shared a bed and... well...

He wished he had a magazine so that he could have hidden his reddening face as his treacherous thoughts again returned to all the things they had already been doing to each other.

He wondered what Prussia had up his sleeve for this weekend. The house would be empty because Germany was off in a conference in Düsseldorf. They had agreed that Romano would take care of the condoms and Prussia of the lubrication, but other than that, they hadn't discussed anything.

Romano dug out his phone to take a look at the time. It was exactly half past two. Prussia had better drag his ass to him right now or else. If he took too long, Romano would have no choice but to come to the conclusion that he wasn't at all excited about this visit or that he had even forgotten.

“Fuck him,” he muttered when it was five minutes past the agreed time. The bastard was probably playing his stupid online games or something. If he didn't show up within the next fifteen minutes, Romano would either book a flight back home or take a bus and go kill Prussia. It all depended on whether he'd be feeling passive-aggressive or angry.

He sighed and looked up, but that was when he felt his heart skip a beat. There was finally a familiar face in the mass of people, but it was not the face that he had expected to see. He could do nothing but sit and glare as the person finally noticed him and hurried to greet him.

“I'm sorry I'm late,” Germany said.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I came to pick you up.”

A number of questions was flowing through Romano's mind. Where was Prussia? Why hadn't he come to pick him up? Why had he sent Germany? But more important than any of these combined was the question that he voiced next.

“No, I mean why the fuck are you in Berlin?”

“Because I live here?” Germany suggested, looking at him with a wary look in his eyes, like he didn't know if it would have been a good idea to dive for shelter in case Romano lost his temper. He was always like that when Veneziano or Prussia wasn't there as back-up.

“Prussia said that –” Romano started, but he caught himself just in time. Good God, he couldn't tell Germany that he had been expecting to have the house for himself and Prussia. If he said that, Germany would at once guess what they were going to do! He would die if he found out! The mere thought was enough to make him want to grab his luggage and run back to catch a plane home.

And speaking of his luggage...

“Don't touch that!” he snapped when Germany was about to pick it up.

“I'm just going to carry it to the car.”

“No!” If Germany took the luggage, he might somehow realise that there were condoms hidden in it! “I'm carrying it myself!”

“Fine,” Germany said with a sigh.

There was only uncomfortable silence between them as they walked to Germany's car. Romano refused to let him put the luggage in the trunk and instead took it with him on the back seat. No way was he sitting on the front with the bastard.

“So, where's the idiot?” he asked after they had been driving for a while.

“He's cleaning up his room.”

Romano muttered profanities under his breath. Just as he had thought. The asshole had forgotten that he was coming. Now he was trying to clear out the trash in his shithole of a room in panic and make it look like something other than cockroaches could live there. Fucking fantastic. This weekend hadn't even started, and it was already turning into a catastrophe.

***

Prussia hummed to himself as he straightened his back and admired his handiwork. It had taken him twenty minutes (damn, sheets were so complicated!) but he had successfully ensured that his bed was fresh and devoid of potato chip crumbs and beer stains.

He grabbed Gilbird and placed him on one of the two pillows. “Enjoy yourself while it lasts. I don't think Romano will let you watch, so you'll have to stay in the kitchen until we're done tonight,” he said and gave the bird a gentle poke on the head.

Thinking of the kitchen made him remember that he had something in the oven, so he hurried up the stairs to see how things were developing. He had already burnt the first batch of the cookies, so the second one had better be perfect. And it would be. He might not have known how to bake cakes like Germany (not that he even wanted to because it was for sissies) but he could make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world.

“Yeah, perfect,” he said after a look in the oven.

Romano would no doubt be all grouchy and pissed off after the flight. He always was, but this time Prussia had a secret weapon to make him stop sulking. A few cookies and Romano would be wax in his hands. And then they'd have the most amazing night in history. Nothing could go wrong.

Just as he was done taking the cookies out of the oven, he heard the front door open. Hasty steps revealed that someone was nearly running to the kitchen. No surprise there. Romano must have missed him, and now the need to see him had to be so strong that he could no longer keep calm.

And sure enough, Romano stormed into the kitchen in the next instant. Prussia readied himself for a hug and maybe even a kiss.

“You goddamn liar!”

Then again, this was Romano...

“What? What's wrong?”

“You know what's wrong! Why did Germany pick me up at the airport?”

“Oh, that. Sorry, I should have realised you were having such a hard time being separated from me. But don't worry. I'm here now, and I'm all yours!”

The frown on Romano's face didn't change. In the past few weeks, Prussia had learnt to recognise when Romano was frowning out of habit, when he was too embarrassed to admit that he was happy and when he was angry for real. This looked like it was the third case, which puzzled him a great deal.

“Okay, what did I already do to piss you off like that?”

“Why the hell is your brother here? You said he'd be in a conference!”

Right! Of course. He had known he had forgotten something.

“Yeah, that's actually pretty funny. I got the wrong weekend. He's going next week, haha. I was going to tell you, but then I forgot. But it's no problem, right?”

Romano's face turned a deeper shade of red. “Of course it's a problem! I can't... I... we can't... Not with him here!” he sputtered and cast a panicked look over his shoulder, like he was expecting Germany to walk in at any moment.

Prussia laughed. “Why not? It's not like he's going to watch, unless you ask him to.”

“Shut up!” Romano snapped. “Don't talk like that! You bastards are all such perverts! I can't do it with him in the house. He.. he might find out!”

“Find out what? That we're having hot se –”

“Shh!” Romano moved in to clasp his hand over Prussia's mouth before he could finish. Amused, Prussia poked out his tongue and gave the inside of Romano's palm a lick that made him yelp and let go.

“Why are you freaking out? We've been together for weeks. Anyone can guess what we're doing,” he said.

Romano's reply was covering his face with his hands and muttering something that Prussia couldn't understand. He felt like shaking his head. Romano could get so worked up over the stupidest things.

“And what's the problem? It's normal. Plus, I'd say getting to have sex with me is something that you'd like the whole world to know!”

“Can you just shut up?” Romano asked in a tired voice.

“Whatever. But you're still blowing this out of proportion. But that's okay,” Prussia said. “And where's West anyway? Didn't he come with you?”

“He said he needs to pick up something at the store.”

Awesome. With Germany out of the house for a while, Prussia had the chance to improve Romano's mood. He grabbed one of the cookies that had had the time to cool a little and took a bite.

“Want some?”

“Who baked them?”

“I did! Try them! They're the best!”

“I thought you could only warm things up in the microwave.”

“Hey, I can do a lot more when I feel like it!” And anyone could follow a recipe. Just because cooking wasn't in his blood like it was in Romano's didn't mean that he totally sucked at it. He just didn't see any point in doing it when he was surrounded by people who were more than willing to cook for him.

“Then what are those?” Romano asked and pointed at the batch of burnt cookies that Prussia hadn't thrown away yet.

“Those were just the test drive. I figured their taste was a little too manly for most people, so I put them aside. I'll eat them later.”

Romano snorted, but he did reach out and take one of the successful ones. Prussia watched him nibble on it and finally throw the rest of it into his mouth when he didn't keel over from the taste.

“Needs more sugar,” he said even as he took another one.

Prussia knew that this was the biggest compliment he was going to get out of Romano now that he was in a sour mood, so he didn't press for the praise that he deserved. He'd get that later that night, he was sure.

“You still haven't told me why you made your brother pick me up.”

“That's just because I was so busy baking these cookies that I forgot to clean up my room, so I had to decide which would piss you off more, West or the state my room was in.”

“Well, it had better be sparkling to make up for having to sit in the car with him,” Romano grumbled.

“Oh, it is! Want to see? Let's take your luggage in.”

Prussia grabbed Romano's bag and carried it downstairs to the basement. He had to say he was pretty darn proud of the way he had scrubbed the floor and dusted everywhere. Usually he only did it around his computer to protect it from damage.

He took a seat at the end of the folded-out bed and watched Romano glare at it like it was an enemy.

“It's not going to bite if you sit on it,” he said. “But I might, haha.”

“You act like you're fucking twelve.”

“Aww, come on. Cheer up. Don't tell me West being here is enough to ruin everything. He and Italy have no problem doing it with you or me around.”

“That's because they're idiots,” Romano said, but he finally gave in and sat down on the bed.

Prussia used the chance to lean closer and rest his chin on Romano's shoulder. He was happy to notice that Romano didn't even tense. Over the past few weeks, he had gradually stopped freaking out every time Prussia tried to show him some affection. Prussia still wasn't suicidal enough to try to kiss him in public, but holding hands on the bus was already among his victories.

“It's totally okay to be nervous,” he said.

“I'm not nervous! I've done this before! I just don't want to keep worrying that your brother will hear.”

“He'll be upstairs, and we'll be down here. He won't hear a thing unless you want to get super loud.” Prussia hoped that he'd get Romano to really scream one day. While he had obviously enjoyed their earlier escapades in bed, he got the feeling that Romano was somehow afraid of letting himself go and showing his pleasure, like it was something embarrassing that had to be hidden.

He'd have to find a way to show him that it was okay to enjoy himself, especially with him. He probably wouldn't achieve that tonight, but he was determined to make everything as perfect as possible.

“I don't, and you had better not do it either. Thank God the neighbours were away last time we were in Rome,” Romano muttered.

Prussia chuckled and blew into Romano's ear, making him squirm. “Can you blame me if I want to let it be known when you're being good to me?”

“Yes, because it's not something I want the whole world to know, dammit! It's private.”

“You can gag me tonight if you want to.” Now that he thought about it, that might actually be really hot...

“We're not doing any weird shit tonight. Let's just...” Romano's voice turned into mumbling towards the end, and Prussia couldn't even begin to guess what he had said.

“Let's just what? Fuck?”

“Let's just make sure it works!“

“Why wouldn't it work? I mean, I'm here. I'm not worried about myself, but if you think you can't perform, I can be on top, okay?”

“Do you even know how to do it otherwise?”

“Of course! I'm the best bottom in the world!” And besides, he rather liked it. He wasn't one of those people who thought there was something weak or submissive about it. He had the best taste ever, so if he liked something, it was awesome. Everyone who disagreed could suck it.

“Yeah, right. You say you're the best at everything, but so far you haven't proven anything.”

“I'll prove it tonight.”

Prussia slid his arms over Romano's chest and pulled backwards so that they fell on the bed, Romano on top of him. The Italian nation turned around to glare at Prussia from under his hair, but he made no move to roll off him. Prussia enjoyed the weight of his body against his and rested his arms over Romano's shoulders and back.

“I hope you know what you're getting into, idiot,” Romano muttered.

“What do you mean?”

Romano closed the distance between their faces and caught Prussia's lips into a kiss so fast that he didn't even have the time to feel surprised before he had already retreated. Romano was blushing furiously as he turned his head away.

“I... I can be great on top. Just you wait and see. If you're so stupid that you want to make me do all the work, I'll do it, dammit,” he said and got off the bed. “But now I'm hungry, so get me something to eat. Now.”

Prussia couldn't help but laugh as he hoisted himself up and led Romano to the kitchen.

***

Romano thought Germany's house consisted of two different worlds. There was the majority of the house where he felt like he had to keep glancing over his shoulder and couldn't relax, even if he wanted to. He was afraid of touching anything because everything was spotless and had its appointed place. Such order didn't agree with him. It made him feel like he was at a military camp where Germany was the highest-ranking officer.

It was the complete opposite in Prussia's room. There he could toss his socks on the floor when he went to bed and not worry that an emotionally constipated lump of muscle would try to talk to him.

The problem with Germany was that... Well, everything. Veneziano kept insisting that he was a great guy and had a big heart, but Romano didn't believe it. Germany sucked. End of story. It was too bad he supposed he would have to at least try to tolerate him now that the bastard was not only his brother's boyfriend but also his boyfriend's brother.

But that didn't mean he'd have to like him. Especially on evenings like this when they were alone in the kitchen, making dinner. Germany was very occupied with peeling the potatoes. Romano did the same with the cabbage he was washing and hoped that Prussia would come back already. He had decided to drop by the store to buy something and had wanted to keep it a secret, so Romano had had no choice but to stay behind with Germany.

He couldn't stop thinking about what Prussia had told him earlier. That everyone knew they were having sex because it was normal. That Germany had to know. That in Germany's mind, there had at least once been the thought of him and Prussia. Together. In bed. Having sex. 

Dammit! That was so wrong! He couldn't deal with it!

Germany cleared his throat. “Could you pass me the –”

“It's none of your fucking business!” Romano yelled and threw the cabbage at Germany who barely had the time to catch it before it would have hit him in the face.

Romano clenched his hands into fists and slammed them against the sink. Fucking hell, he couldn't breathe the same air as Germany. Germany no doubt knew what he and Prussia were going to do tonight. Maybe he thought about it all the time. Maybe he jerked off to it like the pervert he was. But even if he didn't, the fact that he knew or at least suspected was enough to make Romano want to run into the living room and hide under the couch.

“Are you alright?” Germany asked.

“I'm fine,” Romano growled through gritted teeth.

“Ah.” Germany returned to his work, but then he stopped again and turned once more to look at Romano. “You don't... look fine.”

“Well, how the hell is that your problem? I can have a seizure in your kitchen if I want to, and there's nothing you can do about it, bastard!”

“I would call an ambulance. And I know how to give first aid.”

Romano saw red. If that hadn't been the moment when the front door was opened and Prussia returned, he might have done something that would have made Veneziano single. However, he was able to keep his murderous desires to himself when Prussia entered the kitchen with a grin on his face.

“Where were you?” Romano asked.

“At the store. I told you.”

“But why did you leave me here with _him?_ ”

Prussia looked from Germany to him and back. “West looks like he wants to ask the same question. Just what did you two do to each other?”

“Nothing. And I suggest that I finish making dinner while you two relax,” Germany said.

Romano was momentarily torn between letting Germany do the rest alone, which would result in them having indigestible garbage for dinner, and getting away from his presence. He didn't need long to weigh these two sides of the matter before he decided that he'd rather suffer from food poisoning than spend another moment in the kitchen with Germany.

“Let's go,” he said, grabbing Prussia's wrist and starting to drag him towards the basement. There at least he could have a moment of peace.

“What's gotten into you?” Prussia asked once they were safely in his room.

“Your stupid brother is getting on my nerves!” Romano snarled. “But I don't want to talk about that fucker. What did you buy at the store?”

“That's a secret. I'll tell you later.”

Romano instantly knew what Prussia meant by later. Great, the idiot had got some crazy idea that he wanted to try out in bed. That was the last thing he needed. All he wanted was to get through this night without any embarrassing or painful incidents. He had enough of a romantic in him to want their first time to be great. He was sure it would be if it were only up to him – he was an Italian; he was a fantastic lover – but Prussia could easily ruin everything with his stupid ideas.

“You aren't going to pull any of your weird shit on me, okay?”

“Like what?”

“Like... leather whips or stuff. I'm not into that.”

“Aww, have you been looking into my toy box?”

Prussia stepped closer and pushed him down so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. In the next instant, he was on Romano's lap and had crossed his feet behind his back so that he had him trapped. Romano didn't complain and he even slipped his hands under Prussia's arms and to his back. After all, it wouldn't do if the fool fell backwards and hit his head. He didn't really feel like washing away all the blood and listening to his complaints.

“I've got plenty of great gadgets in my box,” Prussia said against Romano's skin as he leaned closer to plant a kiss on his throat.

“I don't want to see them.” Really, he didn't. Veneziano had told him enough about the things Germany liked, and Romano had no intention of letting Prussia ever do anything of the sort to him. Never.

“Aww, why not?”

“Nobody's ever going to tie me up, bastard.”

Prussia gave his earlobe a lick and chuckled. “Who said anything about you? You could tie me up.”

“What?” Romano blurted out and nearly shoved Prussia off him. The bastard liked that kind of thing?

“What if I do?”

“You're the loudest, most obnoxious and self-centred person I've ever met. I didn't think you'd ever let anyone do that to you,” Romano said.

“Only people I really like and trust,” Prussia replied and chose that moment to capture Romano's mouth into a kiss.

It took Romano entirely by surprise, and before he could stop himself, he had let out a moan. Dammit, he thought. It shouldn't have been this easy for Prussia to get the reactions he wanted out of him. He moved one of his hands to Prussia's head and grabbed a handful of pale strands, having learned that he liked it when he played with his hair.

“We should stop,” he said, but he didn't hesitate to initiate another kiss.

“Why?”

“Because your brother is making dinner and we're going to have to eat it.”

“We could skip it,” Prussia suggested, moving a hand up to Romano's hair and poking at the sensitive curl.

Ah, that wasn't fair! Romano clenched his eyes shut as an involuntary shudder went down his spine. He tightened his hold of Prussia's hair and forced his face away just when he would have trapped him into another kiss.

“Stop that!”

“Aww, why?” Prussia whined, but he immediately let go.

“Because we can't skip dinner! If we do, the bastard will guess what we're doing!”

Prussia let out a sigh and rolled off him, landing on his back on the bed. “You're really obsessive-compulsive about West, you know? I'm starting to think you have a thing for him.”

“Of course I don't! Idiot!” Romano grabbed a pillow and threw it at Prussia's face. “I just don't want your brother involved in my sex life.”

“I know for a fact that West and Italy are doing it when he stays over. I've heard them, and I've seen your brother walk around the house with no pants and with lube in his hand. Does that mean I'm involved in their sex life? Have I had a threesome with them?”

“Shut up! I don't need those mental images!”

Prussia sat up and gave him a displeased pout. “Then why can't you just accept that sex is normal? Or is it just me? Are you ashamed of being with me?”

“No,” Romano replied. It wasn't that simple. He wasn't ashamed of anything. He didn't have a problem with sex or talking about it. He just didn't like letting others know that he enjoyed it. It was too personal, and even though he knew it was messed up, it took so much effort to let anyone see his positive feelings. They made him so vulnerable and open to attack.

He had learned to relax and just enjoy himself when he had been with Spain, but now he was in the middle of an entirely new situation. He would have to learn it all over again. He was excited and happy, but at the same time there was that ever-present fear that something would go wrong and he'd be hurt.

“Then what is it?”

“It's not important. Besides, I want to have dinner. I'm hungry.”

“Yeah, okay. I'd rather wait a little than risk you taking a bite out of me because I made you skip food.”

Dinner was unremarkable and boring. Now that Veneziano wasn't there, it was solely Prussia's responsibility to keep the conversation going and try to build a bridge between Romano and Germany. He didn't have much success, and Romano suspected that nobody was having a great time.

After eating, they spent some time watching some boring movie on TV. Normally, Romano would have complained, but he wanted to play some time. If they retired to the basement right after dinner, Germany would wonder why they were turning in so early.

That stupid lump is always in the way, he thought, not even trying to concentrate on what was happening on the TV screen. First he had stolen all of Veneziano's attention and made Romano feel like he had no place in his brother's life. Now he was ruining the mood with his mere presence and ensuring that it would be a very difficult task for Romano to relax at any point of the night.

And speaking of that night... Romano tried not to squirm on the couch where he was sitting by Prussia's side. He didn't want to let his thoughts turn to how close to each other they'd soon be because then he just might be tempted to forget about the movie and drag him downstairs right away.

It was a week since they had last seen each other. They would have liked to spend more time together, but Romano had work to do and couldn't concentrate when Prussia was around. It wasn't that he was a lovestruck teenager, but Prussia could be a real pain, especially when he didn't have anything productive to do. For that reason, he was banned from Italy any time Romano had something important on his plate.

But now he had the whole weekend free because Veneziano had agreed to cover for him. As soon as this stupid movie was over, they'd say they were tired and go to the basement and – 

“I've had a long day,” Germany said and stood up. “I'm going to bed. Please turn off the TV when you're done.”

“Sure, thing, West!”

Romano and Prussia sat in silence until they heard the sound of the door to Germany's room closing. Prussia immediately switched off the TV.

“Okay,” he said. “He's out of the way! Let's go!”

For once, Romano didn't argue. He didn't want to get sucked into Prussia's stupidly eager mood, but when he was looking at him with that much want in his eyes, he was impossible to resist. They raced to the kitchen and nearly fell down the stairs to the basement in their haste.

“You forgot to close the door,” Romano said as they collapsed on the bed, Prussia on top of him.

Prussia had his hands in Romano's hair and traced his lips along his jawline. “It doesn't matter. There's nobody in the kitchen.”

“Go and close it!”

“Sheesh, fine! But don't you dare move!”

Romano propped himself up on his elbows and made sure that Prussia really did go all the way up the stairs and closed the door. He felt a little less exposed now. Maybe he'd even be able to forget that Germany was asleep upstairs.

“Okay, back to business,” Prussia said and climbed onto the bed again. He was quick to return on top of him and to kiss him, and Romano welcomed him happily. His mouth was warm and inviting, urging Romano to push his tongue inside and moan involuntarily. He dug his fingers into Prussia's back and pulled him close, which earned him an amused chuckle.

“Someone's eager tonight,” Prussia said.

“Shut up and put your mouth to better use, bastard.” 

The nervousness Romano had felt earlier was still there, but it was easy to ignore now that he had Prussia's body against his and could feel him, smell him and taste him. This would be great. He couldn't wait to show Prussia just what it meant to have an Italian boyfriend and how good it could be.

He moved his hands between their bodies and shoved Prussia away so that he could begin to unbutton his shirt.

“I wanted to do that,” Prussia complained, and Romano shot a glare to his direction.

“You just concentrate on getting out of that T-shirt. Wear something with buttons next time.”

“Since when do you give me orders?”

Romano stopped his undressing so that his shirt was unbuttoned but still covering his chest. The fact was that snapping commands gave him a feeling of control, and that was what he needed now. It was easy to relax in the heat of the moment, but now his brain was working again – at least a little, though the tingling fire all over his body was a very good distraction.

He tossed his shirt on the floor and reached out towards his luggage. He took out the pack of condoms and tossed it on the bed, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. They were going to do it, and – God, he hoped nothing would go wrong.

“Nervous?” Prussia asked.

“Of course not!”

“Don't be. I mean, I'm here. It's going to be awesome!” Prussia threw his shirt away and crawled over the bed to ruffle Romano's hair. “It's not like this is totally new. Remember what we did last week and how great that was? This is just one step further.”

“I know that!” Romano snapped. He could have said a lot about Prussia's irritating attitude, but he didn't want this to turn into a fight. “What kind of lube did you get?”

“What?”

“You know, lubrication? To make it easier? If it's some stupid strawberry-scented crap, I'll...” Romano drifted off as he registered the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look on Prussia's face. “You got some, right?”

“Well, you see –”

“Fuck, I can't believe you forgot!”

“Sorry, it totally slipped my mind! But it's just because I was so happy to have you come over that there wasn't room for anything else on my head, honest!”

“Don't try that shit with me! And how come you don't have any in the first place? With the way you brag, you'd think you're used to doing half of Europe on a daily basis.”

Prussia grinned sheepishly and shrugged. “Everyone's taste suddenly took a nose-dive, so it's been a bit quiet lately. I had that friends with benefits deal going on with France, but he doesn't like the basement, so we always met at his place. And he always has everything ready, so I never had to buy any,” he explained. 

“I can't believe you! It's like I got together with a total child who needs constant looking after!” Romano crossed his arms on his chest and glared at Prussia from under his brows. “That's it, then. We'll have to wait until tomorrow and go buy some.”

“What? No! It's okay; we don't need it. I've done it without countless times. It's not like you could just walk into a store and buy things like that in the past,” Prussia said.

“No way.”

“Aww, why not?”

Romano loathed the feeling of warmth spreading to his cheeks, but he could do nothing to stop it. “Because it would hurt, and I'll be damned if your first time with me is painful, bastard,” he muttered.

He was certain that Prussia would laugh and make fun of him like he always did. That was why he was caught by surprise when Prussia suddenly leaned forwards and caught his face between his hands, forcing him into a kiss. Before Romano could respond to it from his puzzlement, Prussia had already ended the kiss and jumped off the bed.

“That's real sweet, but I'm not going to wait. I'll ask West if he has– ”

“No! Don't even think about it!”

Prussia stopped in the middle of the stairs. “Then we'll raid the kitchen. I'm sure we can find some kinky substitute.”

Romano wasn't looking forward to any of the crazy ideas Prussia would no doubt get, but he swallowed his anger and followed him upstairs. Good thing they hadn't yet made it very far or he wouldn't have been able to get out of the basement at all. He was not going to walk around the house with an erection when Germany could surprise them at any moment.

Prussia was already in the process of rummaging through the fridge when Romano entered the kitchen.

“Dammit, we're all out of vegetable oil,” he muttered and took out a bar of butter. “How about this?”

“How about we forget it? We can do something else and wait until tomorrow. It's not worth the trouble,” Romano said.

Prussia turned to look at him like he had just taken a dump on Old Fritz' grave. “What? Are you seriously suggesting that you can wait before having me? That just means we totally have to do it! You have no idea what you're missing. Sex with me is awesome!”

Romano wasn't going to argue with that, though he was the first person to say that sex with Prussia was also bothersome. He never shut up and always wanted to spice things up, which usually led to problems. A simple blow job had nearly ended up with him falling out of a window last week, so Romano wasn't about to let him get creative now that it was their first time trying penetration together.

“Wait, I know! I think there's some Vaseline in the bathroom.”

Romano frowned at that. “But doesn't Vaseline break –”

But it was too late. Prussia had already raced out of the kitchen and run upstairs. Romano cringed at all the noise he was making and hoped that Germany was a heavy sleeper.

In a few moments, Prussia was back, holding a jar of Vaseline on his hand.

“Vaseline breaks condoms, idiot. It's an oil-based lubricant,” Romano said.

“What, really? I thought that was just an urban legend. But never mind, we don't need condoms anyway.”

“The last person you were with was France! If you got some disease from him, I don't want it!”

“You should have thought of that before you sucked me off last week.”

Damn, he had him there. “Okay, whatever. But I have another reason for using them.”

Prussia cocked a curious brow at him. “And what's that?”

“If I come inside you, you're going to squirt it all over the bed when we sleep, and that's fucking gross!”

For a moment, Prussia stared at him with a disbelieving look on his face, but then he laughed and shook his head. “I had no idea you were that sensitive! But okay, if that's what you want. I'll check out if it's really true that this stuff breaks condoms,” he said. He tossed the jar to Romano before returning down to the basement.

Romano followed him with a frustrated sigh. All the excitement he had been feeling earlier was gone, and at this point he was half-tempted to call it quits and just try to sleep. But he kept his doubts to himself and sat down on the bed while Prussia turned on his computer and began to search for the information he wanted.

Time passed, and Romano was already half-asleep by the time Prussia turned around on his chair.

“What kind of condoms are those?” he asked.

“Normal ones. Why?”

“No, what are they made of? Because I just read that Vaseline is okay with condoms made of polyurethane,”

“Poly what?”

Prussia shrugged. “No idea. But that's what Wikipedia says.”

“You needed over half an hour to look that up?”

Prussia clicked to close the browser. “Nah, I also checked my e-mail and saw that someone had outbid me on eBay, so I had to deal with that.”

“You'd rather buy crap on eBay than come to bed with me?” Romano snarled.

“Of course not, but there's this thing that I just really want, and –”

Romano groaned, fell on his back on the bed and covered his face with a pillow. He felt Prussia climb back on the bed and come to lean over him, but he didn't look.

“What's wrong?” Prussia asked.

“I'm not in the mood anymore.”

“What? Not fair! We've been planning this since last week!”

Maybe that was the problem, Romano thought. It was stupid to plan something like this. It should just happen. They should be hanging out like normally, and then one thing should just lead to another and before they knew it, they'd be having passionate sex. That's how it had happened with him and Spain. 

“Maybe it should be a little more spontaneous so that we won't stumble all over these stupid details,” he said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Prussia's weight on the bed shifted, but Romano still didn't look. He was perfectly content hiding under the pillow and wouldn't move no matter what.

But then the pillow was suddenly grabbed from him and thrown to the floor. Before he could voice his objections, Prussia's lips were on his, and he had pried his mouth open. To Romano's surprise, it wasn't just Prussia's tongue that pushed inside – he was slipping something from his mouth into his. 

At first his heart skipped a beat, but then he recognised the taste. Chocolate. That bastard was feeding him chocolate like some damn mother bird!

He grabbed Prussia's shoulders and pushed him away, wiping at his mouth even as he forced down the now half-melted glob.

“What the hell?”

“You said you wanted something spontaneous to happen!”

“Yeah, but where did you even get that chocolate?”

Prussia grinned. “At the store.”

Perfect. This idiot had left him alone with Germany for over half an hour just so that he could go and buy some damn chocolate. And it wasn't even that good. As far as Romano was concerned, Belgian chocolate was the best.

Prussia broke another piece from the bar and flipped it into his mouth. “I thought something sweet would keep you in a good mood,” he said.

“Does that mean Mr. Awesome has so little faith in his skills of keeping me happy with other means?”

“Wait, no! That's not what I meant!”

“Oh, yeah? Prove it.” Dammit, so much for not being in the mood. If all it took to turn him on again was one kiss and a few words of consideration from the bastard, he really needed to work on building up a resistance. 

Then again, he mused as Prussia's hands began to roam his chest, maybe he didn't want to be able to resist this. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close, planting a kiss on his collarbone. The sensation of fingers brushing against his nipples made him arch close to Prussia, and he had to hold back a moan.

“I checked the condoms while you were sulking. They're okay,” Prussia said.

Romano's reply was muffled against Prussia's chest. To be honest, at this point he might have been okay with just ditching the condoms and dealing with it. They hadn't done anything particular this night, and he wasn't yet hard, but that didn't stop him from wanting Prussia and wanting him now. Just feeling his body against his and getting to run his fingers through his rough hair were enough to nearly drive him mad.

“Okay, let's stop playing and do it,” Prussia said. He moved his hands to play with Romano's trousers and swiftly unbuttoned them.

Romano was slow to undress himself and throw the rest of his clothes to the floor. He didn't like being naked if Prussia wasn't, so he always preferred to wait until Prussia was done. It was stupid, he knew, but it made it easier to be before the other's eyes. When he could stare right back at Prussia, he didn't feel at all vulnerable.

“You still want to top?” Prussia asked.

“Yes. That's the only way this will go right.”

“Hey, now! Nobody tops me at topping!”

“Yeah, right,” Romano said with a roll of his eyes. They would see about that some other day. The thought of Prussia filling him was exciting, but he pushed it away before it would make him change his mind. Tonight was for showing Prussia how awesome _he_ could be.

He grabbed the jar of Vaseline and screwed it open. Prussia had already taken position on the bed and was lying on his back, his hands crossed on his stomach, legs spread and an infuriatingly cocky grin on his lips.

No way was Romano going to let him have his fun before wiping that smirk off his face. He moved to kneel between Prussia's legs and put the Vaseline aside for now, instead grabbing a hold of the other's length.

“Wha –” Prussia squeaked and lifted his upper body to take a look at what he was doing. “H-hey! I thought you were going to prepare me!”

“I will, but I didn't say when.” Romano gave a tentative stroke to the member in his hands and enjoyed the groan that escaped from Prussia's throat. Prussia was always loud, and despite Romano's worries that they might be heard, he loved being able to get such reactions out of him. And so far he had used only his hands.

He lowered his head and took the tip of Prussia's length into his mouth, circling the slit with his tongue and chuckling as he felt Prussia grow harder. From the corner of his eye, he saw the other's hand clutch at the bedsheets, which encouraged him to claim more of the erection. He stroked the base with his hand and used the other to push Prussia's hips against the bed when he tried to thrust into his mouth.

Romano waited until there was another low moan from Prussia before withdrawing and wiping his mouth and jaw.

“Hey! It was just getting good!” Prussia complained.

“You'll thank me later. You don't want me inside you when you're all sensitive and overstimulated,” Romano said. He reached for the Vaseline and took a generous glob of it on his fingers. But before he could move on to the next phase, he stopped to look at Prussia who had prodded himself up on his elbows.

Prussia's chest was moving in the rhythm of his heavy breathing. His normally pale cheeks were flushed with his arousal, and Romano saw so much want in his eyes that he didn't think anything could have turned him on more than seeing him like that. To know that all that desire was directed at him filled his chest with a comfortable, warm feeling.

“Come on! Get to it!” Prussia said and flailed with his feet. “Or are you too busy admiring me? No wonder because –”

“Shut up or I'll be super rough!”

“Go ahead! I can take that and more – ack, wait!”

Romano grabbed Prussia's leg with his free hand as the other jumped and tried to retreat upon his fingers brushing against his entrance.

“What are you doing? Stop squirming!” he snarled.

“The Vaseline is cold! Don't put it in me!”

“You're the one who wanted this!” Romano said and brought his fingers back to Prussia's hole. “And you said you could take anything, so be still. It'll get warm soon.” With that, he pushed one finger inside, slowly enough to let Prussia get used to the feeling. He felt him shiver, but he couldn't guess if it was because of the Vaseline or the intrusion.

After a while, he added a second finger, then a third until he deemed that Prussia was ready. He was greatly encouraged by the constant, impatient nagging of his boyfriend and finally decided that if he wanted to hurry up, so be it. He removed his fingers and reached for the pack of condoms by his side.

Preparing Prussia and imagining high tightness soon around him had been more than arousing enough, so Romano didn't need more than a few strokes to get himself hard enough for putting on a condom. Once done, he smeared some of the Vaseline over his length before moving to grab Prussia's legs and push them aside for better access.

“Okay,” he said and pressed himself against Prussia's entrance. He began to push inside, which earned him a gasp from Prussia. Romano gritted his teeth until he was fully inside and released the breath he had been holding. It took all his self-control to hold still and not begin thrusting to get more of the lovely, warm friction, but first he wanted to make sure Prussia was okay.

He felt Prussia's hands in his hair and how he pulled him into a kiss. Romano moaned against him and shivered as his hips shifted.

“I'm doing you now, bastard,” he muttered once they broke apart. Every moment was torture; he couldn't wait any longer.

“Go ahead,” Prussia replied, his voice shaky with arousal.

Romano straightened his form to improve his leverage and pulled partly out before thrusting back in. He groaned at the tightness around him and felt pleasure build up inside him. He dug his fingers into Prussia's hips and pushed into him again.

“Ooh! Aah! Yes! Romano!”

Romano stopped in the middle of another thrust and stared incredulously at Prussia. Sure, he could get loud, but never before had Romano heard him scream like that, not even right before his climax. He sounded like a bad porn star.

“You're faking it,” he said.

“No, I'm not! I'm having an awesome time! More! More!”

“Don't lie to me! I've.. I've sucked you off, you idiot! I know what your awesome time sounds like, and this isn't it! What the hell do you think you're doing?” 

Romano let out an angry snarl and brushed sweaty hair from his eyes as he glared down at Prussia. The answer the bastard gave him had better be damn good or he was ending this right here, right now. He refused to be made fun of in bed.

“Well,” Prussia said with a sheepish grin, “I just figured I should go along with it and hope for the best. I didn't want you to get angry.”

No, that wasn't it, Romano realised. Prussia hadn't wanted to make him feel like a loser because he hadn't yet been able to find his prostate. He didn't know if he wanted to punch him for being such an idiot and thinking that his self-esteem was that low or kiss him because he meant well.

“You failed because now I am fucking angry. What would you do if I hadn't noticed and you'd be having sucky sex with me who knows how long?”

Prussia's grin widened. “Do you care that much about whether I get off on this or not?”

“My world doesn't revolve entirely around me, bastard. But what would you know about that? I bet the reason you let me top is that you didn't want me to realise how much you suck at it!”

“We still have time to switch,” Prussia said and wiggled his brows at him, but the suggestive expression disappeared from his face and was replaced by surprise when Romano pushed back inside without a warning.

“Go to hell. And now start working with me if you want me to find your stupid prostate or I'm calling it quits.”

Prussia let out a breathy chuckle. “Need a map?”

“All I need is for you to let me know when I hit it. And be honest. I don't want to hear those fake porn sounds come out of you ever again!”

“You just don't know how to appreciate my awesome acting or my – ah!”

“Was that it?”

“No, you just caught me off guard.”

“Dammit,” Romano growled and lifted Prussia's left leg over his shoulder so that he could thrust in a different angle. This was going nowhere. The bastard could just lie back and take it while Romano did all the work. It was never like this in the romantic novels he sometimes read in his spare time. In those, sex was always perfect and everyone came at the same time. It sucked that in real life he had to feel like he was going to get muscle cramps before he had even got to the point.

He certainly hoped he'd find what he was looking for soon. It would be fucking embarrassing if he climaxed before Prussia even got properly started. The idiot would never stop making fun off him, and Romano didn't know if he'd be able to forgive himself for making their first time such a disappointment to him, especially after he had said he was good. It was his Italian pride that was on the line here!

He grunted as he shifted his angle again and thrust once more. Doing Prussia was like ploughing a rocky field with a rusty hoe – he was getting no results. If that didn't change soon, he'd –

“A-ah, there... Do it again!”

“Fucking finally,” Romano grumbled.

“Not my fault! You're the one who kept missing!”

“Shut up or that was all you're getting tonight!”

Now that he knew what angle was needed to hit Prussia's prostate, Romano didn't want to waste any more time talking. He licked his lips and pulled out, gritting his teeth to hold back a groan when he pushed back inside and saw Prussia's face contort with pleasure. Romano loved the moans each thrust tore from him; they excited him almost more than the warm tightness and friction that made him want to curl his toes.

The pleasure kept building up until he was sure that if there was any more, he would go insane. Before he even fully registered it, he was climaxing and had to press his face against Prussia's stomach to stop himself from screaming.

Once done, he collapsed on top of Prussia and reached a shaky hand up to his hair, trying to even his breathing.

“Was that it?” Prussia asked.

“What?”

“I'm not done here yet!”

With increasing mortification, Romano realised that his worst nightmare had happened. He had come before fulfilling the needs of the other! He had failed as a lover! Italy's reputation was ruined!

“S-shut up!” he snarled. “That's just because I had to keep looking for your stupid prostate for so long! If it had been in a normal place, this wouldn't have happened!”

“It's not like it's up my nose or anything,” Prussia pointed out. “And that doesn't matter. The real question is, what are you going to do about this?”

Romano gritted his teeth and pulled out. He was tired after his climax and would have liked nothing better than curling up under the blankets and forgetting this disaster, but maybe he could still do some damage control.

“I'm going to give you the best fucking blow job you've ever got in your life!” he said. He tore the used condom off his length and wrapped it up in a piece of tissue before returning his attention to Prussia. Without further ado, he grabbed his erect length and took as much of it as he could into his mouth, not wasting any time on teasing this time around. 

Prussia groaned in surprise and pleasure at the sudden friction, and his hips bucked involuntarily. Romano didn't usually enjoy deep-throating because his gag reflex made it bothersome for him, but he was willing to make an exception this time. He just hoped he wouldn't end up puking all over Prussia. Wouldn't that be a fantastic ending to the night.

“Nggh, Romano... Romano!” Prussia's fingers came to clutch at his hair, and from the way his hole body tensed, Romano knew he had to be close.

He began to retreat, which allowed him to use his tongue again. He ran it over Prussia's length one more time and had a split second to decide if he wanted to let him come in his mouth. Making a mess on the bed wasn't an appealing thought, so he didn't move when Prussia groaned and found his release.

Romano swallowed with some difficulty and wiped his mouth, grimacing as he turned to look at Prussia who was lying on the bed. His chest was heaving, and his eyes were closed in the afterglow of his climax.

“Eat more fruits, bastard,” Romano growled.

“Don't nag. I'm tired.”

“You're tired? I'm the one who had to do all the work!”

Prussia reached for the chocolate bar, broke a piece from it and tossed it to Romano. “Here, something sweet to improve your mood.”

Romano took the piece and popped it into his mouth, but it was only because he wanted to get rid of Prussia's taste. Goddammit, this whole thing had been a catastrophe! Not only had he failed in bed, but now his throat was sore and his mouth tasted like crap.

He grabbed one of the blankets and covered himself with it, curling into a ball on the bed. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he'd be able to forget all about this.

“That was some sex,” Prussia said.

“It wasn't my fault! It was your stupid, elusive prostate! You suck!”

Prussia draped an arm over him and snuggled closer.

“Hey, it happens. Except to me, but not everyone can be one hundred percent awesome,” he said.

Romano rolled into a tighter ball and turned his back to Prussia. “Fuck you. I'm never sleeping with you again.”

“Come on, don't take it so seriously. It wasn't _that_ bad. And if there's one person in the world who doesn't give a shit about all the things you do wrong, shouldn't that be me? You need to do a lot worse than that before you'll drive me away,” Prussia said. He paused to think. “You know, right now I can't come up with anything that would do that.”

“But I messed up.” All of his worst fears had come true. What if Prussia didn't want to be with him anymore now that he had seen how terrible he could be? What if he never gave him another chance?

He should have known it would come to this, Romano thought. He should have never let himself enjoy sex with Prussia, not for a minute. It had only made failure more painful to bear.

“So?” Prussia asked. “You can mess up with me as many times as you want.”

Romano wasn't yet prepared to leave his hiding place under the blanket, but he had to admit that Prussia's words soothed his wounded pride and fears a little. Maybe he had a point. Plus, next time would be better. There was no doubt about it.

“It means that we're going to have to practise. A lot,” he grumbled.

“You say it like it's a bad thing.”

It was really nice just lying there on the bed with Prussia that close to him. Romano was considering lifting the corner of the blanket and inviting him under it, but then a thought crossed his mind.

“I sure hope your bastard brother didn't hear anything.”

“Well, it doesn't matter whether he did or not.”

“What do you mean? Of course it matters! Then he would know!”

Prussia snorted. “Oh, that. Don't worry. He knew all along.”

“What?” Romano snarled and popped his head out from under the blanket. “How the hell could he know?”

“Because I told him.”

Romano felt how all colour was drained from his face as he stared at Prussia's self-satisfied grin and as the meaning of his words registered in his mind. He tried to spit out the worst profanities he knew, but all that came from his mouth was senseless sputtering. 

“Relax,” Prussia said and patted his cheek. “I told you it's normal. And planning to have awesome sex with your hot boyfriend is something you have to share with your brother. I couldn't keep it to myself!”

“You – you fucker!” Romano snapped and gave Prussia a violent shove that sent him to the floor.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“I can't fucking believe you! You have no right to tell him something like that!” Romano collected the second blanket and tossed it on Prussia, then threw his pillow at him. “You're sleeping on the floor tonight.”

“Not fair! I want my post-sex cuddling!”

Romano ignored the whiny tone of Prussia's voice and kept glaring death at him. “You aren't getting any,” he announced.

With an angry huff, he once again turned his back on Prussia and tried to find a comfortable position on the bed. He was so angry that he could hear his blood flowing in his veins, but it still didn't take long before he felt himself drifting off to sleep. 

And Prussia's self-preservation instincts seemed to be working for once because he didn't try to continue the argument.

***

Romano woke up at some point of the night when he felt the mattress shift. He frowned groggily in the darkness and tried to understand what was going on, but then he felt an arm drape over him and realised that Prussia had climbed back into the bed.

“Hnnhwhat?” 

“My toes are freezing,” Prussia explained.

“Cry me a river, bastard,” Romano muttered, but he didn't resist when Prussia snuggled closer. Maybe he had suffered enough for now.

***

As usual, Romano was the first to wake up. He rubbed at his eyes and wondered if he wanted a shower bad enough to bother getting up from under the warm blanket. In the end he decided that he did, so he climbed out of the bed and started looking for his clothes on the floor.

Prussia was still snoring like a chainsaw when Romano was done and ready to go upstairs. He hesitated just for a moment, not wanting to run into Germany. The bastard always woke up early, so he was probably already there, just waiting to catch him by surprise so that he would feel embarrassed and awkward.

Well, he could go and fuck himself. Romano wasn't afraid of him!

He was about to leave, but then he noticed that his phone was vibrating in his pocket. He dug it out and saw that it was Veneziano.

“What is it?” he asked in a low voice as he hurried upstairs to the kitchen where he could speak freely. Thankfully, there was nobody there, but it looked like Germany had already started making breakfast.

“Hey, Romano! Good morning! I just wanted to call and ask how it went!”

“What do you mean?”

“You and Prussia. How was it?”

Romano gritted his teeth. He hadn't told Veneziano any details about his trip, but it looked like this was one of those times when his idiot brother had developed a brain cell or two. Romano would have preferred to just hung up, but Veneziano had been extra nice to him and promised to do some of his work so that he could have a free weekend and go to Germany on such a short notice.

“It was terrible,” he whispered, casting a wary look around in case Germany was lurking near.

“What? What happened? Was Prussia was so bad?”

“No. It... it was me.” Romano proceeded to tell Veneziano all that happened. Normally, he would have never trusted such embarrassing secrets to anyone, not even his brother, but he felt that the matter at hand was too grave and was partly his business. After all, it was Italians' reputation as the best lovers in the world that was at stake here.

“Don't worry, Romano,” Veneziano said. “I'm sure it's going to go better next time.”

“Yeah, I guess you're right,” Romano muttered, glad that for once his brother was so understanding of his issues. 

“Besides, Germany totally sucked when it was our first time, too! It's okay!”

“Don't compare me to him!”

With that, Romano hung up before Veneziano had the time to say anything.

This shower had better be damn good, he thought as he climbed upstairs and undressed. The warm water helped him relax somewhat and by the time he began to dry his hair, he was starting to feel that maybe things weren't so bad after all.

He had all the time in the world to make up for the previous night. And Prussia hadn't seemed that upset about it, so it was probably okay. Besides, after he had went and told everything to Germany, the bastard deserved nothing but bad sex.

Yeah, that was it, Romano thought. It wasn't his fault that the sex had sucked. It was the universe's way of punishing Prussia for being an idiot. He had simply been a pawn in the great plans of fate.

He returned downstairs feeling considerably better. His mood wasn't dampened even when he noticed that Germany was in the kitchen, but he couldn't say if it was because of the great revelation he had had or the fact that he was starving. As much as he hated German food, he had to admit that at least their breakfast was decent.

“Good morning,” Germany said.

Romano examined his face to see if the bastard was showing any signs of acknowledging what had happened the previous night, but it was difficult with Germany stubbornly keeping his eyes on his newspaper. After some ten minutes of instant glaring, Romano decided that he was being himself and that he had no reason to panic.

But he had better make Prussia promise that he wouldn't tell Germany about what had happened, he thought as he reached for a roll and some cheese. He'd tell him that if he ever told him, he'd dump him. Or not sleep with him for the next fifty years.

He didn't say a word to Germany as he ate. The testosterone potato was almost tolerable company when he was being quiet and didn't try to order him around. Romano was thinking that he could get used to it when the door to the utility room was pushed open and Prussia entered the kitchen.

“Morning!” he announced. The grin on his face widened as he spotted Romano at the table. “Oh, good. You're here. When I woke up, I thought you had left.”

“My flight leaves tomorrow, and I'm not wasting money on an earlier ticket,” Romano muttered.

“Sweet,” Prussia said and came to ruffle his hair. “I'm going to take a quick shower, so don't eat everything, okay?”

Prussia marched upstairs. Romano heard him turn on the shower and had a fleeting thought about how great it would have been to shower together. Some minutes passed. And then...

“Romano! Help!"

Romano and Germany exchanged alarmed glances at the urgency in Prussia's voice.

"Did you slip on the soap and hit your head on the sink or what?" Romano yelled.

"No, nothing like that! Come up here and help me! Quick!"

“What the hell...?” Romano grumbled under his breath and got up.

“Tell me if you need anything,” Germany said, and from his tone Romano could guess that he was even more reluctant to find out what was going on than him. He supposed that living under the same roof with Prussia did that to a person.

“What now?” he asked as he stepped into the bathroom.

Prussia was standing there, thankfully all in one piece and without any visible injuries. He was also naked and wet, but Romano did his best not to let that distract him.

“There's a problem.”

Romano crossed his arms on his chest and tried not to stare at Prussia's crotch. “Yeah, what is it?” 

“Something's wrong with my ass.” Prussia placed his hands on his cheeks and stared at Romano with worried eyes. “I have this feeling, and I don't like it.”

“Is it painful? Was I too rough or something?” Romano asked, not quite believing that they were having this conversation.

“No, no, nothing like that. It's kind of sticky or something, but we used a condom, so I guess it's the Vaseline. How do I get it out?”

“It'll come out naturally, idiot.”

Prussia pouted. “Yeah, but when? I don't want to walk around with Vaseline in my ass! It's going to put a dent on my awesomeness! This totally sucks. It's never like this with normal lube.”

“You're the one who couldn't wait and wanted to use it! Deal with it!”

“I don't want to!”

“Then what the hell do you expect me to do about it?” Romano asked with an impatient sigh.

“I don't know. You could try to dig it out or –”

“I'm not shoving my fingers up your ass!”

“Come on! You had no problem with it last night!”

The miserable look on Prussia's face was getting on Romano's nerves, but he was so not going to do what the bastard wanted. If he was so anxious to get the Vaseline out of him right now, he would help him, but he wouldn't make it easy.

“I guess there's one way to get it out,” he said.

“What's that?”

“An enema. With soap.”

Prussia's eyes widened, and he tried to hide behind the shower curtain. “No! No way! I don't want an enema!”

“Fine, it's your decision,” Romano said with a shrug. “I'm going back downstairs. Join us when you're ready.”

He was half out the door when Prussia called him back.

When the sounds from upstairs started, Germany decided that it was an excellent moment to take the dogs for their second walk that morning and make it very, very long.


End file.
